I love my grand children. I have found in watching my grand daughters and older grand boy, that when say they get into an argument that I often escalate it by .. well escalating it. Like last night, AB and H were playing with their friends E and B .. (abbreviation) every thing was fine until H tried to take over the CD player that AB and E was playing with.
So I naturally get involved as they were getting physical .. and to me .. I made it worse .. do I blame myself .. not totally .. nor them .. we are all just human .. they are limited by their young ages .. 5 and 8 , and I am limited by my .. level of ability as well. Lets face it .. we are not born problem solvers of young children. We would like nothing more than them to behave lovingly towards each other .. but a lass .. sighh
Anyhow .. I have went down this train of thought before on how to handle it .. because often it is not their behavior that bothers me .. it is how I react to them and behave in a manner that to me is negative .. human .. but negative ..
You see, I do not want to get upset at them .. and when I do... I do not feel it is a particularly effective approach to solving the problems at hand.
I was thinking today when AB and I were at the mall .. well the situation is not important or my point here.. she started mis-behaving when we were entering the parking lot .. pulling my hand instead of just walking peacefully as she has been trained to in parking lots .. so I get some what frustrated and mad and keep walking .. as she pulls . .embarrassing to a degree do to a couple of helpful motorists that stopped so we could pass.. god .. always when you do not want an audience ..
.... anyway my point when everything was said and done ..is I chose to get upset .. it is a choice I did not have to make .. SHE IS 5 .. she is going to mis behave .. the one thing I can truly choose in this is my own behavior .. i can always choose my behavior that I am comfortable with ...
Friday, September 3, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
How Do You Want To Be? Is It Different Than How You Are?
We are not always as we would think we should be. I was about to say .. like to be, but when I think of how I am at times towards others .. and how I don't seem to care at the time.. then I guess I am being at the time how I want to be.
Later like now .. when i review my actions .. i think .. ok.. do something like this .. define how you want to behave .. I think I have done that before .. but ultimately .. every circumstance is different .. and the behavior that I am trying to curtail .. comes out.
I feel a sadness sometimes.. anyway .. getting back .. I know there is certain situations that bring out the worst in me .. that I let bring out the worst in me .. because it is a choice ...life is always about choices.. sad .. sad about a lot of stuff ... sad that I can not stop the pain in the world ..and sad at the pain I have caused.
Now if anyone actually ever reads this blog .. no I am not talking anything crazy .. i am talking about everyday relationships with the people we love .. and care for .. and how we do not always act in the most caring way. I am also talking about people we work with ..I know there are a lot dicks in the world .. sometimes I am a dick.
You probably are too. Aren't you...? We all are ... at times... self centered .. all concerned and involved in our selves.. You know this life is just temporary .. why we are here .. I do not really know .. I mean there are theories that make sense .. but I really do not know the reasoning .. I will say .. life in this realm is .. because it is worth living ..
I know from an intellectual point of view that being nicer to someone .. is good .. now I know that some circumstances do not warrant niceness .. I would just say .. that keeping hate out of my heart .. trying to make other peoples lives better .. more happy .. like giving a treat to someone who can't get one for themselves..
Later like now .. when i review my actions .. i think .. ok.. do something like this .. define how you want to behave .. I think I have done that before .. but ultimately .. every circumstance is different .. and the behavior that I am trying to curtail .. comes out.
I feel a sadness sometimes.. anyway .. getting back .. I know there is certain situations that bring out the worst in me .. that I let bring out the worst in me .. because it is a choice ...life is always about choices.. sad .. sad about a lot of stuff ... sad that I can not stop the pain in the world ..and sad at the pain I have caused.
Now if anyone actually ever reads this blog .. no I am not talking anything crazy .. i am talking about everyday relationships with the people we love .. and care for .. and how we do not always act in the most caring way. I am also talking about people we work with ..I know there are a lot dicks in the world .. sometimes I am a dick.
You probably are too. Aren't you...? We all are ... at times... self centered .. all concerned and involved in our selves.. You know this life is just temporary .. why we are here .. I do not really know .. I mean there are theories that make sense .. but I really do not know the reasoning .. I will say .. life in this realm is .. because it is worth living ..
I know from an intellectual point of view that being nicer to someone .. is good .. now I know that some circumstances do not warrant niceness .. I would just say .. that keeping hate out of my heart .. trying to make other peoples lives better .. more happy .. like giving a treat to someone who can't get one for themselves..
Friday, August 20, 2010
Update to life 2 days before birthday 54
I think that life entails more than just living it. It entails thinking about what we have done, what we do in the process. We make a lot of decisions day to day .. decisions that effect other people. I think in reflecting on how we are .. we think about these things we have decided to do and whether it was a good thing or not.
For one thing, most things we do at the time seem to be a valid action that was decided upon at the time. Well not always.. obviously things decided upon under great duress or under extreme emotions .. well we know almost from the get go that they were not right.
Sometimes we decide upon reflection of our behavior to change. It is my belief that God does not judge either way .. we judge our selves. God does not inspire guilt .. our own conscious does..
I feel sad at times over the conditions that exist and the outcomes of my behavior towards them. Feeling sad and bad is a great motivator to change. I read once that the two great motivators in how we behave is pain and pleasure and that we will do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure.
Probably true... anyway .. I am tired now .. if you read this .. it is vague on purpose .. one has to be careful online about what one reveals about ones personal life .. don;t you think?
For one thing, most things we do at the time seem to be a valid action that was decided upon at the time. Well not always.. obviously things decided upon under great duress or under extreme emotions .. well we know almost from the get go that they were not right.
Sometimes we decide upon reflection of our behavior to change. It is my belief that God does not judge either way .. we judge our selves. God does not inspire guilt .. our own conscious does..
I feel sad at times over the conditions that exist and the outcomes of my behavior towards them. Feeling sad and bad is a great motivator to change. I read once that the two great motivators in how we behave is pain and pleasure and that we will do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure.
Probably true... anyway .. I am tired now .. if you read this .. it is vague on purpose .. one has to be careful online about what one reveals about ones personal life .. don;t you think?
Sunday, August 8, 2010
At Work By Myself Again
Well here I am at work, on Sunday by myself ..again. I am suppose to have a partner in crime here, but more often than not anymore she doesn't come into work for this reason or that reason. I am just suppose to be happy about it. Anyway I'm writing this post in some what of and attempt to vent out negativity. You see I knew she was not coming in yesterday, she informed me of that decision days ago, however.. Oh I just received a text..she fell a sleep, worked her other job last night. . And is on her way. Understandable, anyway se la vie
Friday, June 18, 2010
Life is about choices and decisions
Life truly all about the choices we make. I read once that the definition of the word decision, was basically, you make a choice and then you cut off all other paths or possible out comes. Well we know that is not entirely true. But I have read that is why some people succeed and others don't, one person continually changes their mind, and another person makes a decision and sticks with it.
I read once where Jesus said,, or maybe it wasn't Jesus, that the road to salvation is not a straight line. We zig and zag down this path or that path, erroneous as those paths might be, and on our quest we gain knowledge.
Well I do know that when we do that zigging and zagging down those path, yes we do learn .. and we also might learn to consider life from a different perspective, and learn to view other peoples view points in a different manner. Meaning .. maybe we learn to look at the world as other people look at the world ... gaining empathy so to speak.
Well I might pursue this later.. but for right now .. I have to get ready and go to work.
I read once where Jesus said,, or maybe it wasn't Jesus, that the road to salvation is not a straight line. We zig and zag down this path or that path, erroneous as those paths might be, and on our quest we gain knowledge.
Well I do know that when we do that zigging and zagging down those path, yes we do learn .. and we also might learn to consider life from a different perspective, and learn to view other peoples view points in a different manner. Meaning .. maybe we learn to look at the world as other people look at the world ... gaining empathy so to speak.
Well I might pursue this later.. but for right now .. I have to get ready and go to work.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
My Life Installment One
I was born in Utah, the middle section, steeped in the church, slow brewed to a crackly crunch.
Oh yes, this was the mid 50's. My Mom and Dad were alcoholics, though when I came to be aware of them in my life, that was a historical thing with them.
My Mom lost her Mother at age 16. Her Father Lynn, very nice, drank a lot.. or to degree, I do not know.. but I do know she became a drinker at a young age.
My Dad, raised in the tradition of Mormonism was a regular attendee. His parents, were devout, good people, though my recolections of my grampa Thomas were that he was old and white haired.. he died when I was probably 8 or so at age 83.. the same age my own Dad passed years later.
So long story short.. my Dad in early adulthood as I heard, married, divorced and turned to drink.. My Mother also had a first marriage,, so my Parents hooked up .. oh.. around 1950.. set about to having myself and 3 siblings.. I was the youngest ..
At age 1 1/2 I was placed in a foster home as were my two sisters and older brother .. different homes .. My parents went over a cliff in a car .. or at least my Mom did .. but I think they both did.. and promptly had their kids taken from them .. the crash was due to alcohol.
Ok.. flash forward.. they got us back .. I was 4 ..My Mom (foster) told me I had to go a way .. to strangers .. hmmm I remember crying .. she was my Mom.. the only one I knew .. dont remember her now .. but I remember this memory.
So my new folks, and new family, moved around Utah county...renters .. they lit down in Lehi for a spell.. and I met some good childhood friends .. some were Mormon.. some not.. the ones that were not .. well we had a club .. called the Sneak club.. we slept out at night .. then hooked up and proweled the streets of Lehi.. in search of adventure.. like climbing to the top of Lehis old Jr High school in the middle of the night.. later my brother broke his ankle .. jumping from the roof to a lower section ..
Ok.. what can I say about my childhood.. well given I was exposed to 2nd hand smoke a lot .. i was sickly .. skinny as they come .. and my parents being on the old side.. Dad was 44 and Mom 34 when I was born.. they dressed me funny .. litterally clown like at times.. so anyway .. I received my share of childhood taunts and teasing .. but I also dished it back .. a few of my bloodied classmates in highschool can attest to that .. but the point being here .. is it was childhood .. and I loved it .. and I love the people who I went to school with .. and I see some of them on facebook .. and we do not know each other to well.. but i think they are great and wish them the best.
Ok.. a nutshell as this is boring .. I spent 5 years in the Navy .. I worked at the Utah State Training School after 4 years.. I married a girl there who though great friends we were .. turned out to be bi .. and I think after our relationship ended .. she went strictly south .. dont think she has been with a man since.
Spent 11 years in Vegas working the county jail in Corrections .. hooked up with the a girl who I helped raise .. who I believe to be my spiritual daughters ... I now have numerous grand kids.. 3 of which I have been in their lives since each of their births .. Our lives now are intertwined in an almost daily dance of I am going to try to make sure they are safe, fed and happy, and they are going to see if they can drive me crazy in the process.. Their parents who are divorced but on reasonably friendly terms ..I am being somewhat generous there .. take over in the evenings and the week ends...
to that end I work somewhat evenings and weekends .. two jobs.. both fairly long term .. I also draw retirement .. from Vegas .. ok ..job 1 .. i help over see in their homes.. three men who have varing degrees of developmental and physical disabilities... for a corporation..job 2 ... a private situation .. a man who is quadreplegic .. married .. well off pretty much .. I help him in the overnights a few nights a week ..
.. I am realitively comfortable financially .. as I keep my expenses low .. otherwise it would be tight.. I could earn a lot more money if I utilized my commercial drivers license .. which is a A .. with numerous endorsments .. haz mat .. tankers .. doubles, tripples..passengers . . but it would take me far from home .. and change the lives of those I care for .. so I dont.
.. on some of my subsequent future installments .. I will start to explore some of my beliefs .. which to most of my friends .. is kind of out there .. well ok.. crazy .. but if I get that far .. and you read it .. know that I am not trying to convince you .. and I will explore some of the varrious things that has encapsolated my lifes ambitionn.. like trying to get rich ..unsuccessfully at this point .. right now I am in a hiatus on that quest .. pondering life and whats going on with this planet .. and what is coming to this planet has my mind occuppied..
pardon the spelling ..
to all my friends who read this .. I have love and care in my heart for you ..
Kay Thomas Brown - June 16 2010
Oh yes, this was the mid 50's. My Mom and Dad were alcoholics, though when I came to be aware of them in my life, that was a historical thing with them.
My Mom lost her Mother at age 16. Her Father Lynn, very nice, drank a lot.. or to degree, I do not know.. but I do know she became a drinker at a young age.
My Dad, raised in the tradition of Mormonism was a regular attendee. His parents, were devout, good people, though my recolections of my grampa Thomas were that he was old and white haired.. he died when I was probably 8 or so at age 83.. the same age my own Dad passed years later.
So long story short.. my Dad in early adulthood as I heard, married, divorced and turned to drink.. My Mother also had a first marriage,, so my Parents hooked up .. oh.. around 1950.. set about to having myself and 3 siblings.. I was the youngest ..
At age 1 1/2 I was placed in a foster home as were my two sisters and older brother .. different homes .. My parents went over a cliff in a car .. or at least my Mom did .. but I think they both did.. and promptly had their kids taken from them .. the crash was due to alcohol.
Ok.. flash forward.. they got us back .. I was 4 ..My Mom (foster) told me I had to go a way .. to strangers .. hmmm I remember crying .. she was my Mom.. the only one I knew .. dont remember her now .. but I remember this memory.
So my new folks, and new family, moved around Utah county...renters .. they lit down in Lehi for a spell.. and I met some good childhood friends .. some were Mormon.. some not.. the ones that were not .. well we had a club .. called the Sneak club.. we slept out at night .. then hooked up and proweled the streets of Lehi.. in search of adventure.. like climbing to the top of Lehis old Jr High school in the middle of the night.. later my brother broke his ankle .. jumping from the roof to a lower section ..
Ok.. what can I say about my childhood.. well given I was exposed to 2nd hand smoke a lot .. i was sickly .. skinny as they come .. and my parents being on the old side.. Dad was 44 and Mom 34 when I was born.. they dressed me funny .. litterally clown like at times.. so anyway .. I received my share of childhood taunts and teasing .. but I also dished it back .. a few of my bloodied classmates in highschool can attest to that .. but the point being here .. is it was childhood .. and I loved it .. and I love the people who I went to school with .. and I see some of them on facebook .. and we do not know each other to well.. but i think they are great and wish them the best.
Ok.. a nutshell as this is boring .. I spent 5 years in the Navy .. I worked at the Utah State Training School after 4 years.. I married a girl there who though great friends we were .. turned out to be bi .. and I think after our relationship ended .. she went strictly south .. dont think she has been with a man since.
Spent 11 years in Vegas working the county jail in Corrections .. hooked up with the a girl who I helped raise .. who I believe to be my spiritual daughters ... I now have numerous grand kids.. 3 of which I have been in their lives since each of their births .. Our lives now are intertwined in an almost daily dance of I am going to try to make sure they are safe, fed and happy, and they are going to see if they can drive me crazy in the process.. Their parents who are divorced but on reasonably friendly terms ..I am being somewhat generous there .. take over in the evenings and the week ends...
to that end I work somewhat evenings and weekends .. two jobs.. both fairly long term .. I also draw retirement .. from Vegas .. ok ..job 1 .. i help over see in their homes.. three men who have varing degrees of developmental and physical disabilities... for a corporation..job 2 ... a private situation .. a man who is quadreplegic .. married .. well off pretty much .. I help him in the overnights a few nights a week ..
.. I am realitively comfortable financially .. as I keep my expenses low .. otherwise it would be tight.. I could earn a lot more money if I utilized my commercial drivers license .. which is a A .. with numerous endorsments .. haz mat .. tankers .. doubles, tripples..passengers . . but it would take me far from home .. and change the lives of those I care for .. so I dont.
.. on some of my subsequent future installments .. I will start to explore some of my beliefs .. which to most of my friends .. is kind of out there .. well ok.. crazy .. but if I get that far .. and you read it .. know that I am not trying to convince you .. and I will explore some of the varrious things that has encapsolated my lifes ambitionn.. like trying to get rich ..unsuccessfully at this point .. right now I am in a hiatus on that quest .. pondering life and whats going on with this planet .. and what is coming to this planet has my mind occuppied..
pardon the spelling ..
to all my friends who read this .. I have love and care in my heart for you ..
Kay Thomas Brown - June 16 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
June 2 2010
Getting hot here in OK .. thought today how we at times during the day .. or week or month .. act a lot less of what our highest spiritual values are .. then when the day is done and we have time to reflect .. we realise that and think about it ..usually it is something that motivatess us to behave in a less than stellar .. but human manner .. like when this guy comes flying out of a side drive into the residential road I was driving down today .. with my grand daughter Annabelle who is 5 .. and I am cussing .. and so is she .. repeating me some what .. I did hear "ass hole" come out of her mouth a couple of times ... dont we set such lovely examples at times .. ......... Well anyway .. the thought came to me .. that we treat each other like crap at times... us human beings ... and basically .. because we all act like that .. is why ths world is in the state it is in .. and then the thought .. simple really if we all cared for each other .. i mean seriously cared for every other persons well fare ... well starvation would not exist .. homelessness would not exist .. crime . wouldnt exist .. no need for locks on our doors anymore.. no need for military .. war planes .. war ships .. etc... .... as far as planets go though .. we are a pretty imature race of humans ..we will grow and mature .. I am sure. .. well as much as this is entertaining me .. it is after 1 in the morning..so I am going to hit it ...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)